Why the Signs of Abuse can be Hidden, Even from the Victim

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3 thoughts on “Why the Signs of Abuse can be Hidden, Even from the Victim

  1. Thanks for sharing your story. I have a best friend that i believe is under emotional abuse and I am not sure how to help her, especially when I am living in a different country from her. Ever since she was with this guy, she isolated herself from all her friends. She even deleted all her social media platforms so our only way of communicating was through email for the last few years. In our emails, she would talk about her family, maybe her ebay job, and she would ask questions about my life but never does she mention about her boyfriend. I always presumed that it was because when they had a break up a few years ago, I had strongly convinced her to get over him and move on with life as he was no good for her. Obviously at that time she desperately wanted to get back with him so everything I said didn’t work. I was even quite angry because I felt like this guy stole my best friend from me. I then decided that maybe this is what she wants and maybe she’s happy and i should be happy for her (even though i didn’t think he was a good guy because she became a totally different person inside and out). Also I thought there’s only so much i can do from across the world and with such limited communication). However after reading these articles and comments, I am convinced that she is going through similar experiences as all these other victims. The only lucky thing is she’s not married to him yet (although I know she happily would if he proposed). I am reluctant to show these articles and other books on this subject to her as I suspect she’s not aware she’s in an ’emotional abusive’ relationship and I’m not sure how she would take it. I am also not sure how to help her to get out of this relationship other than telling her how much I love her and support her. I decided not to ask too much about this guy since she didn’t feel comfortable talking about it or maybe she didn’t want to hear me criticize him so I only know so much. If anyone can offer any advice I would truly appreciate it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your comments. My goal for this site to share stories like the one you’re sharing. My recommendation for you and your friend is simply to be the best friend that you can be. My guess is that somewhere deep inside she recognizes that things aren’t quite the way they’re supposed to be. Helping her to be her strongest person might help her to realize at some point she deserves the great things in life and this guy isn’t offering them to her. If she’s not asking for your help, then simply remind her of how wonderful she is. Talk about her talents and her strengths outside of her relationship with her boyfriend. Realize that she is a strong woman. Be around to listen when she needs it and don’t judge her choices. For me, I think because I recognized that I was a strong, intelligent woman with a decent job where I excelled led to me understand that I could take care of myself and not put up with being in fearful marriage.

      Liked by 1 person

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